Kristen the Cook
by KDiMeraFan21
Summary: When Brady insists that Kristen cook him dinner, it leads to an hilarious day for the villain who never steps foot in the kitchen.


**A/N: Hi everyone! This is my first DAYS fanfic, so I hope you enjoy! It's set around the time Brady and Kristen were engaged the second time.**

"Brady!" Kristen DiMera whined, giving her fiancé Brady Black a mock look of agony. "How dare you insult my cooking skills! I could so cook you a decent meal and you know it!"

Brady raised an eyebrow. "Really? Then why are we eating cook's leftovers?"

"Because it's so much simpler this way!" Kristen pointed out. "I never said I was the next Rachel Ray. I just know my way around the kitchen. I haven't ALWAYS lived in a mansion."

She popped a final bite of cornish hen in her mouth, knowing she could never make food as good as Stefano's cooking staff. Anything pertaining to the kitchen or stove was never a strong point of hers, but she was definitely a queen of the microwave. TV dinners and cereal were her main specialty.

"Why don't you cook for me then?" Brady suggested. "I'll never tease you about it again if you prove your skills."

"Thanks but no thanks," she said, wiping her hands off with a napkin. "I hate cooking. As much as I love you, I'm not subjecting myself to that kind of torture."

"Not even for me?" he asked. He gave her a puppy eyed look, knowing it worked on her like a charm. He could practically talk her into anything with those eyes.

"Stop it," Kristen warned in a playful voice. "I am so not cooking for you Brady Black. Not when I have a professional cook at my disposal."

She stood up to take her dishes to the kitchen, as Harold had already left for the evening. Their entire staff have been ducking out earlier with the DiMera patriarch out of town. By the time dinner rolled around, Kristen usually had to find leftovers from lunch or reheat an old meal with the cooks already gone. She usually relied on them and restaurants to supplement her diet, and Brady was perfectly aware of this. It was what had started his pestering. He was absolutely dying to see Kristen in the kitchen.

Brady followed after her, kissing the back of her neck. "I bet you make a great cook," he said. "You're good at everything else we do."

"Please," Kristen said. "I'm so not good at everything. Have you ever heard me sing?"

"You sound great," he said. "I've heard you singing along to the radio before."

Kristen only laughed. "When I first came back to Salem and was staying in a hotel, the other guests called and reported the sounds of a dying animal in my room. All I was doing was singing in the shower."

"Don't be so dramatic."

"I'm not! EJ and Father say the same thing," Kristen insisted. "Trust me on this. I'd be the one Simon Cowell would make fun of on _American Idol_."

With that, Brady couldn't hold back his laughter. Kristen swatted at him. "It's not funny," she said. "Being a singer was one of my dreams as a child. I thought I was going to be the next Whitney Houston."

"That's terrible," he replied, still unable to be completely serious. It was hard to believe someone of Kristen's beauty and wit was so musically challenged. Though he'd never admit it, Kristen was pretty awful, even with music to back her voice up.

She tried to step around him, but Brady held her in place. "Back to our previous conversation," he said. "We've been engaged twice now, and you've never cooked for me. Not once. That's why I think you should make me something. Even if it's just cookies."

"Baby," Kristen tried to protest, but Brady hushed her with a kiss. He had one hand on the back of her head, holding her in place so she couldn't escape. Every time Kristen tried to pull away or interrupt, Brady would just keep on kissing her.

"All right!" she cried breathlessly, managing to move her head a fraction. "I'll do it! Under one condition."

"What?"  
"You have to eat every bite," she said in a dark voice. "Even if it's the worst possible thing to eat, you're going to eat everything. And believe me, my food is pretty bad."

Brady only grinned. "I'll have to wait and see, won't I?"

Kristen only laughed at him. He seriously had no idea what kind of dinner he was signing up for. She was always known as the one who could catch anything on fire, even things that seemed impossible. She could barely make toast right, for crying out loud.

Brady Black was in for a really nice treat, served Kristen DiMera style.

* * *

"Ugh!" Kristen yelled, throwing the cookbook across the kitchen. This was the start of her second hour in the hell hole, and so far, she had achieved nothing. Her culinary skills had failed to improve at all since her last attempt, and she was on the verge of tears. Brady would be over within an hour, and she knew he would tease her to no end about this.

"How can I be able to seduce a man of any age, but I can't cook a simple meal?" Kristen said to no one in particular. "Hell, I can even come up with diabolical plans easier than this!"

Maybe starting off with egg benedict was a bit much for her to handle at first. She picked the book up off the floor and quickly flipped through the pages, hoping to find something simple and easy to make. No such luck.

Kristen could feel exhaustion and stress hitting her at once, and she collapsed against the cabinets. Why did cooking have to be so damn hard?

This was one of the times she wished her mother had been more involved in her upbringing. Living with Stefano had basically promised she could never cook a decent meal because the Phoenix hadn't the faintest on cooking. He was just like her. A DiMera in the kitchen was simply laughable, as it was a sight that was never seen.

"Might I make a suggestion, Miss DiMera?" Harold asked, appearing in the doorway of the room. The older man looked concerned for Kristen, as she was obviously distraught. He'd been there when she sent the cooks home that morning. He knew of her situation.

"What?" Kristen mumbled, barely audible.

"Why don't you just call a friend and ask for help?" he suggested. "Surely Jennifer Horton knows her way around a kitchen."

Kristen finally stood up. "Don't think I haven't considered it," she said. "But there's no time. Brady will be here in forty minutes, and I haven't got a thing ready. What am I supposed to do, Harold? He'll come over even if I cancel. He'll just think I'm trying to get out of it."

"You could always run to the grocery store and grab some TV dinners," Harold said. "Just take the food out of the trays and put them on plates. Brady might not even notice the difference."

Kirsten contemplated this for a moment. Then she ran to grab her car keys and purse from the foyer. Harold's idea was simply…genius. Brady would never catch on to heading to the supermarket in her time of need because they hired people to do that stuff for them. Kristen was pretty sure she hadn't stepped foot in a supermarket in a decade.

It was a foolproof plan.

* * *

Kristen ran through the aisles like madwoman, locating the TV dinner section almost immediately. There were several brands to choose from. Hungry Man, Lean Cuisine, Banquet…Oh Jesus. How was she supposed to know which brand he wouldn't recognize?

Grabbing a few Salisbury steak dinners with mashed potatoes from Hungry Man, and a couple of mac and cheese ones from Banquet, she made a beeline for the cash registers. The minutes were ticking down until Brady arrived at the mansion.

She would just have Harold distract him, Kristen reasoned as she raced across the parking lot. She almost sideswiped Nicole on her final turn to her vehicle, and Nicole was quick to yell out: "Already on the way to your next victim?"

Kristen didn't have time for Nicole's antics. She shoved her key in the ignition and drove ten miles over the speed limit the whole way back to the mansion. This dinner was going to happen even if it killed her.

"Harold!" Kristen screamed as she skidded into the kitchen. "If Brady comes, can you please distract him? I'm working as fast as I can!"

"Anything for you Miss DiMera," Harold replied.

She began loading the meals one by one in the microwave, waiting the recommended two or three minute interval with a racing heart. What if Brady came earlier than expected? What if he immediately caught on to her trick?

"It will be okay Kristen," she said to herself. "Brady loves you. If all else fails, I can always treat him to dinner anywhere in town. He'd love that."

The doorbell rang then. Kristen gave a little shriek, shoving the last m'al in the microwave. Then she quickly raced to the counter to put the food on plates. The food didn't do the fancy china justice, but Kristen already knew she couldn't top what the cooks made.

As soon as the food was arranged nicely on the plates, she walked into the other room, a plate balancing on the palm of each hand like a waitress. She mouthed her gratitude to Harold and set a plate in front of Brady. "Enjoy, my love."

"Wow!" Brady said. "This looks really good. Have you been cooking all afternoon?"

"Just about," she said. "It's okay though. I really enjoyed cooking for you. I knew you'd be more concerned with eating the food than criticizing me about it. That's what EJ usually does."

"You've cooked for EJ?"  
"Once," Kristen said. "It was during the winter. The cooks couldn't get in to work because of the snow, so someone had to do it. I think Sami was out of town or something."  
"And?"

"Well, I cooked him breakfast. I left the waffles in the maker too long though, because I burned them three times. Then I tried to make omelets and that was a disaster too. We wound up eating Johnny's cereal and some leftover muffins."

Brady laughed. "I bet EJ wasn't thrilled about that."

"Not at all. He's turned into such a health nut lately. I guess he thought all women had some skills in the kitchen. It was a rude awakening for him, nevertheless. I don't think Sami is all that great either."  
"This is really good," Brady said, reaching for Kristen's hand and holding it across the table. "It's a familiar taste though. Did you use a recipe or something?"

"No," she replied quickly and averted her eyes.

"You're lying to me," he said. "Did Harold help you out? Jennifer? I'm not mad; I'm just asking."

Kristen shook her head. She wasn't about to fess up and admit her cooking shortcomings. "No. It was all me. I've been working at it all day."

"Nicole told me she saw you."

"What?"  
"Nicole," he said. "She said you were running across the grocery store parking lot with a bag of TV dinners. Care to explain?"

Kristen only looked at him sheepishly and the two burst out laughing. "I'm sorry!" she cried. "I just wanted to impress you! I really did try to cook you something, but everything I tried was a disaster."

"What did you try to make?"  
"Egg benedict," she replied. "I know it's a hard dish, but the cooks don't exactly leave beginner's books laying around the mansion. They're way above that kind of thing."

"Well," Brady said, clearing his throat and struggling not to laugh. "I really appreciate the effort, babe."

Kristen only smiled at him. "Thanks. I'm just glad you actually got to eat something I made and not get food poisoning from it. Consider yourself lucky."

He only laughed. "Technically you didn't make this. You only heated it up. Still, though, if you want to claim it, I'll keep my mouth shut."

She swatted playfully at him, starting an all-out wrestling war between them. Brady was quick to come around to her side of the table, and Kristen shrieked in mock fear.

"Okay, okay!" she shrieked. "This entire dinner was courtesy of _Banquet_. Happy now?"  
"Of course," Brady said. "I got my way. What more could I want?"

"I'm sure you could think of something."  
"Well, actually, now that you mention it…"

Kristen only glared at him, and Brady almost doubled over. "I still want you to cook a legitimate meal for me one of these days. This definitely doesn't count."

If it was anyone else but Brady, Kristen might've killed him. Instead of getting angry or threatening to give him burned scraps of a meal, she only smiled and kissed him. She knew their playful arguments usually ended in something more and great.

Later, she would be proven right.

**A/N: Leave me some feedback in the reviews!**


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